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this is a story of a very Innocent guy who knew deep inside that Life would be hard but if he worked harder he would be able to Overcome the nasty things life has a tendency to throw. he knew that he should not be Vulnerable to any kind of unknown Emotions. he also understood the value of Youth that his friends took for granted. he never wanted to Own things because he believed that possessions could possess you. he liked things that were more Useful than fancy. no matter what, he was a Keeper. he stored old letters, photographs, Used pens, dried flowers and Many other random objects. he never wanted Attention. he craved silence but deep inside he Required compassion.
She needs to hear her voice, not the voice that screams in her head!
Everybody is speaking
all at once!
Throughout my school days, I always used one quote as a rescue line, be it on essays or on short speeches.
“The end of living and the beginning of survival.”
I used this in global warming speech and climate change speech and environment day speech. I casually said this to my friends to remind them that we needed to do something because the world is unpredictable.
But, never ever had I imagined that this quote would be my reality.
No, this will not be my reality. This is an ephemeral phase. This will pass! i will survive now and I will live! All Nepalese will live and I will live happily with them!
Entire nation is weeping. Monuments have fallen. Children have turned orphans and millionaires are now sheltering on the road-sides.
I am safe and sound. I am still having three meals in my house. I am outdoors 12 hours a day talking to neighbors I had never noticed. I panic, I feel aftershocks, both the ones that are actually there and the ones my mind has created out of fear. I think of my life 6 days ago!
My friends and I were busy making plans and preparing for our highly anticipated “Sport’s Week” at Kathmandu University. I was planning to stay at hostel for quite some time because I wanted some space and get away from my parents for no significant reason. (young blood, I suppose?) I was determined not to return home. I wanted to go away and find solace somewhere. I was depressed that I was not flexible enough to play basketball well. I was sad that i could not jump higher. I was unsure about my feelings.I had begun to get bored with monotonous lectures. I wanted to climb a hill and live on top of it without anybody’s interference. People were beginning to get on my nerves. People are nosy and irritating and people talk too much without thinking. This distance of 35km separating my parents and me seemed very much fine to me.
I will not leave my parents. My mamo has a tendency to get really frightened and panic and I have decided not to get out of her eye-sight. I miss people, oh wonderful people. I miss everyone, I want to meet my grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins and friends. The concept of “space” seems ridiculous. I want to extend my arms to people I do not know. Even children are amusing. My neighbors are interesting, I want to go back to class.
Date: 25th April 2015
Time: 11: 30 am
Mamo and I, just had a big discussion. We both have our own perspectives and our own principles of life. However, we had come to a similar conclusion that this world is growing evil and selfish day by day. As soon as my mamo said, “This world needs to learn a lesson”, the walls of the bedroom began to shake, things began to fall off from the showcase and we grabbed hold of each-other tight and went out of the room and stayed put. The entire passage seemed to swing and we could hear utensils falling in the kitchen, flower vases breaking and some kind of eerie noise that I cannot find words to describe. The whole atmosphere grew gloomy and mamo and I were rapidly chanting names of every gods and goddesses I knew. Let this be over! Let this be a nightmare! Let this be over. For a minute or so, we could not do anything. Then I heard my dad shout and call us from downstairs. My grandmother (muwa) was upstairs and I was screaming on top of my lungs telling her to come. But she has been passive all her life. Mamo did not allow me to go upstairs to do any kind of rescuing. Muwa would come downstairs at her own pace, that had been her way even during other earthquake incidents. At the mean time, I grabbed a big cushion of the sofa and ran downstairs by placing it on top of our heads.
Since then, I have been sleeping in the car, sleeping in the tent, contemplating life, trying to read, rushing up home to grab something, unsure, confused, depressed, frustrated and mostly impatient.